Friday, November 6, 2015

I Observe You, 007.

If one sees "Spectre," these are some things one might observe:

1. Whoever was hired on to do percussion for the "Mockingjay: Part II" trailer must have needed to purchase new drum heads after that recording session.
2. "Nothing can prepare you for the end" is probably not a true statement, Mockingjay trailer. I'll bet reading the book can give you a pretty good idea. Unless you over at the movie have gone rogue.
3. All those balls bouncing and flying around. I like all those balls because they are different colors and sizes.
4. I think they have changed the angle of the lion's face in the MGM logo now that they have made it into a sketch.
5. Daniel Craig looks like he's swishing his fanny as we watch him mount the steps from behind. But I think this is because of his particular Halloween costume selection.
6. Your tie is wrinkled. Is this to indicate to us, the audience, what a fine job of realism you've done as a costume department by having his tie be wrinkled to show that it was underdressed? Oh no wait- it's cause it was underdressed; that was one long shot I just remembered. WELL WELL DONE.
7. Why is it funny that oops, I just accidentally blew up that building when it's in a movie. I'll suppose no one got hurt.
8. All those extras.
9. It was cool of the Bond Franchise to shoot a scene at Hooray for Hopewell. I especially liked the segment of the festival featuring ladies dressed up as doll toilet paper holders.
10. If helicopters were not so loud, I believe I'd like to ride in one.
11. Ralph Fiennes was really good in "Wuthering Heights." Also in this. I think I just like "Wuthering Heights" in general.
12. Why are cars so small a grown man could not fit inside so appealing to all the grown mans?
13. I am honored that the Bond Franchise chose to model their main prop for "Spectre" after the neon green Sharpie septapus tattoo I did on Durron during "South Pacific" last summer.

14. That octopus in the beginning credits was AWESOME. So shiny and slimy and coily. I'd have an octopus.
15. Did that guy have all his fingernails painted silver?
16. Having deeply intimate moments up against mirrors is going to call for a LOT of Windex-ing later on.
17. The glass doctor's office on the mountaintop. Did they build that glass doctor's office just for this movie? If not, what is in it usually?
18. Where did you get that plane, James Bond?
19. Is it wise to drink unlabeled bottles of clear liquid you find stuck in the wall behind the fireplace in dark hotels?
20. When a line is delivered very well by an actor in a movie, I will sit and practice delivering it as such behind my hand so my movie companion is not distracted by my conducting acting rehearsal in the middle of the movie.
21. Was there a boutique on the train?
22. Another thing that makes me giggle, apparently: lighting people on fire.
23. James Bond, why did you give the blond girl a gun with only 3 bullets inside? What have you guys been doing?
24. If James Bond's burlap tie at the train station does not go all the way to his belt, I suppose this is now in fashion. Or maybe it's just burlap ties.
25. Chortled when I saw the puffy kitten. Chortled.
26. Is now REALLY an opportune time to have the "let's not see each other anymore" conversation, blond lady?
27. What time did he have to get there that day to set up all that red string?
28. That Q fellow is very good.

So anyway, now I'm going to go see "Sister Act." About which I'm sure I'll feel similarly.