Three, Four....Six

Tonight I took my car through the car wash. I took my car through the car wash six times.
I know things about the color gradient of Bug-B-Gone as backlit by street lamp which you probably do not know.
John Moon, you see, decided it would be a lot of fun to see how many times I could drive my car through a car wash in a pencil skirt before having a nervous breakdown. Six. Six times.
Luckily, he got the whole thing on film.
After wrapping up said nervous breakdown, I reward myself with a honey bun, a bag of the small hard Cheetos, and a Dr. Pepper.
My new friend Sterling perches next to me on the concrete base of a lamp post while I drink my Dr. Pepper. Sterling is fascinating.
Sterling has a salon in Shockoe Bottom. It is called Shockoe Salon. Inside Shockoe Salon there are squishy red leather barber chairs. I may have mentioned these chairs before. Sitting in one makes one feel very prestigious. Once, when standing outside of his salon having a smoke, a giant fish fell from the sky right at Sterling's feet. Upon examination, Sterling realized that something had been eating this fish only moments prior. God, a bird, or a dinosaur would be my guesses. Moments later Sterling sees a bald eagle alight atop his salon and glare down at his sizable dropped crumb. I don't know what Sterling did with the fish. I did verify that a photo was taken of the fish before the incident drew to a close.
And then yesterday Sterling was out fishing with his son. As we know, people sometimes catch weird and unexpected things while fishing- my brother Scott caught an eel once, and in the movies people are always catching boots. Yesterday Sterling caught a goose. I love that. Said goose was just achieving lift off from the water's surface when Sterling's cast hooked it in the foot. I was horrified at first upon hearing of this- imagining the wrath of  a goose when it actually had reason to be wrathful. And there was reportedly lots of thrashing and squalling, but, once the goose was reeled in to the side of the boat, it acquiesced with perfect graciousness to having the hook removed from its foot. Sterling did not take a photo of this occasion. Some people.
Sterling tells me tonight during our chat that the new hair salon apprentice he has brought on- Beth- needs some heads of hair to practice haircuts on. He says, "and your hair is perfect because she can't do anything to it." I'm sitting here still trying to think what he means by this. Either a. it's so lovely even an accidentally erroneous cut would be unable to mar the sleekness and shine of my coiffure, or b. it's such a nest of terrors and rawhide that even if she tried to buzz cut me, no one would notice. Probably the latter. Either way, I'm pumped. I (and the invitation was extended to my friends as well, so if you are those, holler) get to go sit in the red leather thrones and have my hair experimented upon by Beth. Beth is a lovely pixie girl who looks like she stepped directly from the pages of a vintage catalog of cool chicks in capris. Sterling promises he can fix anything unsightly which may result.
For those of you who may have been wondering - Days Three and Four were somewhat eventful. I have a story all crafted in my head - the central character of which is a lonely little abandoned watermelon named Wallace- but this story will have to wait until another time. As a teaser- there will be golden shoes, men of medium height with very square, very hard shoulders covered in stripes, many flights of blue stairs, surprise bags filled to the brim with perfectly rounded limes, walking briskly and covertly with purpose, and the lesson of putting Jenga away in its container the wrong way first to the tune of siblings dressed up like the Men In Black telling jokes about breakfast sandwiches and speaking in tongues.
Things I learned Days 1-4:
1. If you wear a kitten T-Shirt, I will remember and ask you about it one year later.
2. It doesn't matter what berry it is if it's covered in chocolate.
3. Fruit Roll-Ups still exist.
4. It is difficult for a grown man and short woman working together to break a LifeSaver mint in half.
5. Always have Desiree Roots sing "Wade in the Water" surrounded by dancing swan children and supported by a full choir and band, one of whom may have been David Ruffin.
6. You are safe behind the trash can.
7. Hanging from the ceiling in silky fabric now joins the list of things to do for my birthday this year- along with getting locked in a room full of clues on the topic of getting out and trying on false hair for hours at a large yellow building on Chamberlayne Avenue.
You're invited.