"THERE WILL BE NO BUTT SUCKING!"

.....were the first words out of my mouth this morning. So I thought I should probably write that down.

I'm snuggled deeply into my couch, sleeping peacefully with my new fantastic $2 Walmart camping pillow. Small noises seep suddenly into my consciousness. Curious noises. I've never heard such noises. Curious enough- I open my eyes. 

There they are. Innocently playing on my best neon rag rug from Ross Dress For Less. The two grey kittens. Twin sisters. Just being sisters- goofing off, playing with each other's hair, sucking each other's butts. 

ABSOLUTELY NOT. 

I break it up immediately. Somewhat shaken, I return to the couch. I gaze out my window and harken back to the time 9 years ago when an occasion very similar to this resulted in the cat currently living at my parent's house being named Suprise!

*Suprise is spelled this way purposely. No one pronounces that first "r." Why waste the finger energy to type it.

Anyway. I went camping over the weekend and came home to four very different animals from the ones I left. So for anyone who's following the updates, here you are:

1. Dust-

Dust remains adorable. She does lots of contemplative sitting on hardwood far across the room. Which forces me to zoom in for photo shoots. I'm not sure she has the same feelings for me I have for her. But, as I am unable to resist any spherical creature, I'll continue to adore her from across the room. She may be rehearsing to be a calendar girl. Dust is the party responsible for the unspeakable act which inspired the title of this blog, and as such, is about to enter a week-long period of extremely intense training which may result in her looking a bit different in next week's update. No one told me I couldn't shave them, after all. The sanity of Pearl's genitals is at stake, for God's sake. 

2. Roland-

This is a photo of Roland just after I arrested him this morning for being too cute. He'll just sit like that. As long as I want him to. You can pose him. A born superkittenmodel. Brain development remains questionable. He has extremely lengthy eyebrows. I know two other very excellent men with such eyebrows. Pleased to have met a third. I will say for Roland that his self-bathing skills are killer. You don't get your whites that white without considerable effort.

3. Marianne-

Marianne is....doing well? I think I mentioned in an earlier post her affection for "Breaking Bad." She sat immobile on my sternum for the entirety of the pilot episode last week. Riveted to the screen. Now she's displaying an affinity for napping in and around electronics. I think she's smart- potentially an evil genius. Doesn't talk a lot. Can win any staring contest. Has a perpetually dirty face. Dirty and crusty, somehow. I'm allowing myself to assume it's from wet cat food. But I can't be held accountable for what's behind the couch. 

4. Pearl-

I.....think that about says it all.

Parts of her dazed and confused delirium might be a result of the aforementioned title event. We'll see how we look next week.

A hearty and well-deserved congratulations to Adam Dorland for keeping them alive over the weekend. 

Though we may all live to regret it.