Pamplemousse & The Great Refusal to Participate in Household Upkeep of 2018

For anyone interested in taking this little critter to your bosom, key notes:

1. We have the stomach capacity of a sparrow. We are somehow naturally disposed to the "six small sensible meals a day" philosophy. Which is mostly notable because the last batch of kittens- and every other cat I've encountered in my life, come to think of it- subscribes more to the "if I could unscrew my head and program a fire hose to pump all the cat food in the continental U.S. directly into my stomach and keep going until I vomit, that'd be great" school of thought.
2. We are dainty and fine-boned. Lissome, even. Long spindly legs. Should probably actually be named Metabolism. I feel his bone density to be on par with that of a Ritz Cracker.
3. We do absolutely nothing around the house to contribute while Audra is at work. Nothing. We cannot even be bothered to finish our dish of Fish Sphincter Surprise* which Audra has kindly left out for us to nosh on throughout the day.
4. We might have a fetish for eye ointment. We get suspiciously into having our lids pried open and oily medicinal lube being slickly applied over the surface of our eyeball.
5. Our pinkeye is all gone. So we're really going to be bent out of shape that 4. is off the table.
6. We enjoy posing in front of stacks of books.
7. We are now able to climb onto the sofa. But be forewarned- if this happens while Audra is asleep she will be jolted awake immediately. Because when we do this, we sound like a buttered ferret scaling a piece of sheet metal.
8. We like to take breaks during snacks to check in with Audra for a moment of cuddling.
9. Napping: This is how we do it:

I exhaled directly into his ear for ten minutes and he slept on soundly. So, really into aggressive white noise.
10.We are the sweetest and gentlest of all kittens so far. In the history of time. We'd be a good choice.
*credit Catherine Shaffner